Wedding Bells (AU, for gunslingerqueen) (NSFW)

[toweredingly]

Roland had woken with a headache and a sinking sense of cold dread, and neither were because of the large amounts of whiskey and graf he'd drunk the night before. It was a familiar feeling; the same steady almost-fear settled into his bones whenever he saw a battle looming. But battles could be fought with gunfire and cold rage, with all thought pushed aside and the world coming at you moment by moment. Today was worse. Today was politics.

He'd set aside his usual jerkin and jeans for more formal gear. The suit itself wasn't so bad, but he felt naked without his guns at his hip. It would have been good to have their comfort, even if he had no intent of using them. Their weight had always been like having a part of his father still with him, and all the gunslingers of their line before him. Now, when he most felt need of that reassurance, he had to set it aside. Clean-shaven and well-heeled, with his hair pulled back into a queue and his feet rubbed by the hard leather of new shoes, he felt like another man - and one even less capable of facing all that lay ahead.

The wedding was in the morning, before the real Fair-Day began. Then things would take their usual course; the castle flung open to the people, the feasting and singing and Fair-Day riddling, with raucous good humour and doubtless a few fights. That was manageable. He had lived that every Fair-Day for his whole life. What frightened him, more than he would ever admit, was the part that came before and after.

"You look more like a man going to put a noose around her neck than a ring around her finger," Bert commented in his ear, bringing him back to the present. For his part, Bert looked perfectly at ease in formal wear, sauntering about and regarding Roland with a critical eye. Whatever dark mood had been slithering about under the surface, he seemed to have excised it for now.

Roland answered with a grunt, looking back ruefully at the gunbelt hanging over the back of his chair, and closed his eyes for a moment. "Is there a difference?"

"Dinh or no dinh, I'm not beyond punching you. Just for once, Ro', try to stop living in whatever darkness is going on in that bony head of yours, and relax." For once, Bert wasn't smiling. He slung an arm around his friend's shoulders, looking at him closely. "She's not Susan. I kennit, Ro'. But she's what Susan would have wanted for you. Carry that with you, at least."

"Thankee, Bert." Patting Cuthbert on the back, Roland shook his head and started towards the door. Towards the Hall of the Ancestors, where Burtock Hattlen waited in lieu of a dinh, where Alain was standing by with a ring.

The hall was filled, to a casual eye, but Roland saw the empty spaces more than the full. No Cort, no Vannay, no Stephen Deschain in the high seat. Many who should have been seated in the best places were gone. Somehow, that made it easier to settle his mind, straighten his spine, and wait steady and watchful at the front of the hall for his bride.

Comments

[gunslingerqueen]

"Stronger, but at odds with themselves in many ways." But that was the result of various, longstanding issues that had very little to do with their ideals and everything to do with attempting to eliminate them entirely. Another story for another day maybe, if his interest remained genuine. If she was right in a particular way then that 'your' would become 'our' very quickly, but it was too dark a thought to share out loud on what was supposed to be a very joyous day.

"As long as it doesn't involve an overabundance of pies, I'll be just fine." She would really have to tell him about that one of these days but right now she smiled wide, "I hope that my brother doesn't scuff your heels, he still might not believe that you are real, if he bothers you just hand him off to Lena or I." She paused. "Also, there is a blond woman who is always frowning and she is going to absolutely loathe you no matter what you do. Best to stay clear of her."

And that should be all that he needed to know from her to enjoy the festivities without interruption!

fast-forwarding a bit because there's limited stuff to happen here.

[toweredingly]

"Thankee for the warning," he said gravely, and then they were down the stairs, and surrounded by well-wishers, and he let go of her arm to embrace Bert, and the moment was gone. In truth, he was glad he'd had that time alone with her to fortify himself. It had given him time to steady himself, even with the new turbulence thrown up in his mind, and to draw the mask back on. Now, surrounded by those he knew well and those who were all but strangers as they swept on towards the smaller hall, he could even smile.

He quickly lost track of Nariko in the press of people, and didn't search too hard for her. He was looking for others - those three men with the lumpy shapes of guns under their arms, and any who might have come with them. Through the growing crowd of people wanting to shake his hand or clap him on the back, though, it was hard to see. He marked one of them across the room, a dark-skinned man with close-cropped hair, but lost track of him again as the crowds began to filter back into the Hall of Grandfathers. Under the carved eyes of his ancestors, he took his seat at the high table, where his father had once sat. And then there was the seat beside him, which had stood empty for years, which was still, in his mind, his mother's seat. For the first time in his rule, it would be filled. That thought was a heavy one, and yet, at the same time, it had a certain rightness to it. He looked up at the tapestry of Arthur Eld, and felt for the first time the quiet certainty that this was as it should be.

When Nariko would join him there, he was stony-faced as ever, but something in him had relaxed. He stood to greet her, kissing her on the cheek. This had the advantage of bringing his mouth close to her ear, so he could whisper "The dark man by the door, the fat man next to your cousin, and Henry Jacquard, ten seats on your left. Watch for them." Then he pulled away, smiling his usual flinty smile, and turned to watch as the last few ladies took their seat.

Speeches weren't his greatest strength. What he said was much the same as he'd said at every Fair-Day since returning to Gilead; wishing his guests well, expressing hope for peace, thanking them for attendance. The only sign that anything was different was towards the end of his little speech, when he added "And those who are guests among us, say thankee-sai for them, for they've come a long way to share at our table. And I thankee, every one, for making them welcome. And I thankee, too, for being here to witness one who's a guest no more. Nariko Deschain." He turned to her with a smile and a little nod. "We are bound together now, and what you do to her, I will take it as personal as if it were done to me. I bid you remember that, for all I know it comes strange after so long." For a moment, the whole full hall was silent under his scrutiny, then he nodded, just once, and sat back down.

"If you'd say a few words," he added to Nariko, under his breath, "now's the time."

don't ever ask Nariko to give speeches they will be long and saccharine and faceplam inducing

[gunslingerqueen]

While Roland spoke she found Agni and Ignis in the crowd and then looked to the two she hadn't found earlier, the fat man beside Tamir, and the one named Henry Jacquard. In both instances she slid her hair back with two fingers, the other three exposed, and then put both hands back in her lap. Roland's speech came to its end and the idea of saying anything at all hadn't really occurred to her, but it did seem appropriate that she didn't allow him to do all of the talking. So she nodded just slightly, and stood, expelled her nerves with one careful exhale and allowed herself to regard the many people in front of her. While Roland might not have been the greatest speech giver Nariko was quite relaxed. She spoke with a natural, giving warmth, her eyes bright and loving as always.

"When I was very young my father brought me to Gilead. No one from his line revered the gunslingers more than him, no one respected their origins and took them to heart more thoroughly, and so you might imagine what such a trip could mean to him, a man that had fought his own wars and came out of them with a smile and yet more kindness. I will skip the finer details and share the words that make me the woman that I am today: 'All people bleed the same, we understand suffering even if it should be felt in many different ways, for as many different reasons. Sadness, pain, injuries both physical and not, are a part of you and of everyone you will ever meet, but so is happiness. So is relief. We are capable of impossible good, of love, because we do know pain, because one has the choice to decide that pain is not all we will feel. There is not one person who is without the strength to make this decision, to open themselves to happiness, even if it takes years to make that choice.'" She paused and her happy but somewhat sad smile was not an act, it was half caught in a memory that she had to pull herself from.

"As you might imagine my father was a true romantic, but I have always agreed with him. When I remember him it is always on that day, though the world has moved on since then as you all understand. Many of you will feel as you do and I would never fault you, nor ask you to pretend otherwise, you have your reasons and they aren't to be trivialized. I would only have you know that through your pain, through your sadness, your injuries, and your suffering, that the love I felt for this place and all who are here as a child has only grown as I have become a woman. It is patient, unyielding, strong, and most of all permanent, and the only thing in this life that is stronger is how I feel for my husband, and ka itself. If being so overjoyed to have shared this day with all of you, truly the happiest day that any woman could feel when she is joined with the man of bother her girlish and practical dreams makes me a romantic as my father was then so be it. Ka wills me here to all of you, and I am only grateful for it, for the joy and for all other things, and I hope that one day you feel the same for me."

That was all. She calmly sat herself down and beamed at Roland quite naturally, after all of that she couldn't do anything less than that.

tbh i think that was a very moving speech :3

[toweredingly]

The applause came like a wave, scattered at first but growing in strength. Roland smiled back with genuine satisfaction, but his eyes weren't on her. They darted around the room, marking all those who didn't clap, or whose applause seemed too powerful to be genuine. He noted their faces, and their expressions, and filed away the information even as the applause settled into more casual chatter. Beside him, Cuthbert and Alain were doing the same.

"You speak well," Roland commented, as she sat. "And if I guess right, you've done more to settle some of them in five minutes than you could have in five years of living in loyalty." For just a moment, his smile reached his eyes. "You fit the place well."

aw well I am glad! Even though I was definitely the facepalming one haha

[gunslingerqueen]

It was fine with her. The point was to solidify her loyalty to him and that didn't mean he had to be looking back at her or, considering their response, that anyone would think to pay attention to such a small detail anyway. All that mattered was that she kept her pride on a leash and accepted the applause before it relaxed into something much easier.

"Thank you," She sighed again, shook off the lingering excitement that followed such an act and was thoroughly unprepared for his smile and that compliment. Just as when he'd complimented her before she faltered and her stomach twisted in a far too pleasant manner. Stupid, handsome smile. "That's - That's all that I want, so I am glad you think so." This would pass, he would go back to his careful watchfulness and she would think about kittens. Or her family, anything to distract from his smile and the memory of his kiss and how painfully short it had been.

XD

[toweredingly]

Sure enough, Roland did quickly drop back into silence, turning away to join the conversation his ka-tet were having, eating little and drinking less. After a few minutes, Bert leant over to engage Nariko, giving her a smile. "Well, you're stuck with him now," he commented cheerily, over Roland's glare, and raised his glass to her. "Good luck, sai. Gods know you'll need it."

[gunslingerqueen]

A very big part of her was so grateful that Roland was ... Not dense but focused enough that he didn't have the mind for things like noting her shifts in mood. It spared them a lot of extra misunderstandings. She was taking a decent sip of wine when Bert caught her attention, a feet in and of itself since she had been watching someone in the crowd with all the force of a lion going after prey and zero subtlety.

"You should really have more faith in us both, Cuthbert! After all if I have trouble I'm sending him straight to you!" It was said in good nature, of course, but with a rather playful grin, one that only faltered a bit as her eyes continued to travel back to the crowd before she corrected herself. She had to be present, taxing as it might be in some ways, as soon as it would be more polite she would have to leave for a moment or two, but right now she felt the need to remain at his side. How would it look if she just got up and left, after all? Such was the trouble of big events.

[toweredingly]

"Got all the faith in the world in you, Nariko. It's him I don't trust." Cuthbert smiled disarmingly, taking a sip of wine. "Well, him and half the people here. Well, more like two-thirds. Same goes for Ro', by the looks of things. He tell you to go armed, or was that your own pick?"

From the way he jolted after saying that, it seemed quite likely Roland had just kicked him. That would certainly explain how sharply he changed the subject. "Have you been to a Fair-Day feast before? One like this, I mean?"

[gunslingerqueen]

"If that doesn't sound turned around then nothing else ever will." She said it underneath her breathe and so Roland was likely the only able to hear it. He was just being himself but, honestly, sometimes the way he spoke bordered on a little unacceptable. But Roland hardly needed her to protect him, verbally or otherwise, so she didn't allow her mouth to run off its tracks.

"Only once before, and never back home. We didn't celebrate much of anything until just a few years ago and unfortunately due to ..." She laughed, but it was a gently forced sound. "To issues, it was always a little bit muted."

[toweredingly]

Cuthbert leant back in his seat, sipping at his wine. "I won't ask any further," he assured her lightly, smiling. "You looked a vision earlier, by the way, and no less so now. I couldn't be happier for him." That, at least, was sincere. He might sometimes be something of a clown, but he was sharp too. "You're good for him. I'll say it, since he won't."

Roland kicked him again, and Cuthbert pulled back a little, looking rather affronted. "If you're not going to talk to your wife, Ro', at least let me do it without bruising my ankle!"

[gunslingerqueen]

"No need, you're free to ask whatever you like, I just don't want to bore you." And that was the truth. She had never withheld certain details out of pride just efficiency. For as many trust issues as someone like Cuthbert could very easily inspire in her he was exactly the sort that she would talk at for hours if she allowed it. But right now it was good that he landed himself another kick because his compliment practically lit her up for a good few seconds.

"He's right, you know," She wasn't going to force Roland to talk but they would be here for a while and frankly ... Well, she liked the attention! It was innocent and well meaning, so she couldn't quite grasp why he was having such a little fit over this. "I do have to get to know them eventually, might as well let it be now."

[toweredingly]

"There, see?" Cuthbert smirked at Roland, shaking his head. "She's got more sense than you." Then, in a stage-whisper to Nariko, "He's scared that if you get to know me, I'll tell you all his secrets. But he's got nothing to worry about. The only secrets of his I'd ever tell are the ones he wears on his sleeve. Like that he's only kicking me over this because it's easier than kicking himself."

"To be fair, Bert," Alain commented in a low drawl, "it's also a good deal more enjoyable."

"You. You are not my dinh." Cuthbert raised one finger warningly. "You, I can kick right back."

Alain shrugged amiably, turning back to his conversation with Jamie and Roland. Laughing, Bert looked back at Nariko. "Cry pardon. You were saying?"

[gunslingerqueen]

"It's never really in men to behave, is it?" They reminded her of boys in that instant, those who had known each other for so long that they were naturally comfortable with one another. Instead of focusing on the sudden wave of jealousy she assumed that he meant their previous conversation. "There was always a bit of a power between myself and my mother, it wasn't until about three years ago that we settled it. She left the Lady of the House duties to me and she ... I don't know, drank small children's tears for all I know." It cost her a black eye for a week and a terrible headache, but no need to go that deeply into it.

"The one exception was visiting Lena, her family makes everything a celebration. This is the same woman who owes me a puppy and is not as kind as you, Bert, she will tell Roland every little terrible thing about me if I let her. I'm sure she would be up here if she could."

[toweredingly]

"Ah, but you see, none of the terrible things about Roland are secrets." Cuthbert smiled, but his dark eyes were serious. "Those he wears on his sleeve, as you've surely noticed. What I won't tell you, for my lips are sealed on those things my dinh would have me hold back... those are the good things." He looked at Roland, who raised one eyebrow, looking exasperated. "He's never been any good at hiding the bad. Never seems to have tried much, either."

"He's sitting right here," Roland observed acidly, but he didn't look entirely displeased.

[gunslingerqueen]

The weight in his eyes forced her to pause as if suddenly realizing something very important. For men of lesser strength the juxtaposition between the smile on her face and the brief stiffness of her body might have been eerie, but it might have only been telling. Nariko had no way of realizing it but it was very much the same as in Roland's room, a smile that didn't go to her eyes and seemed horribly out of place

"But I would imagine that your friend," not his dinh "Would have his reasons for it. I won't question it, as I'm sure it's easier to avoid whatever little good there is to know about me." She eased back into her usual smile, and reached for her wine, she suddenly needed it. "I'm sure your and my possible friendship and be developed over something almost as riveting as Roland."

[toweredingly]

Cuthbert laughed, lifting his glass. "I'll drink to that!" Then, "Oh, don't give me that look, Jamie. If anything here's poisoned, it's the rabbit stew, and I'm pretty sure our friend's only avoiding it because of the gout. I'll bet you a dollar it's nothing so subtle they've got planned."

"Fuck you, Allgood," Jamie retorted, and then turned crimson as he remembered Nariko was there. "Cry pardon."

"I'd steer clear of that friendship with him," Roland remarked under his breath to Nariko, with the hint of a smile on his lips. "It's a headache from start to finish, for his mouth's hinged in the middle and runs at both ends. Ever has and ever will." Whatever thoughts had been consuming him, they seemed to have passed. Now he turned to her, pushing a stray lock of hair back from his face, and shook his head. "I cry your pardon. Feasts and festivals ill-agree with me." Once, he had loved them. But then, he hadn't been constantly on watch.

[gunslingerqueen]

Jamie's apology raised a curious brow from her, but she let it go easily with a wave of her hand. She cursed more prominently than any of them knew, and she didn't see the insult in doing it around her. As she leaned back in her seat, playing with her for a bit, she looked at Roland with a tiny smile.

"What for? Now that you've said it I feel less guilty for wanting to get up and leave." Again, she took her cup but only to half-hide what she said to him. "I'm not exactly fond of it either, it reminds me of working and forcing a good mood. And I am in one, all things considered! But I can't sit up here frowning now can I? The expectation is a pain."

And yet her wine went down and she smiled all the same briefly looking to her various cousins and then back to him. "And think of it this way, I might be better at distracting him away from you!"

[toweredingly]

Roland shook his head. "You'd be amazed how hard he is to distract, when he's got it into his mind to plague me." Reaching over, he took a piece of bread and began to pick it apart, eating slowly and little. "We'll stay for the riddling, and if all else is fair, take a turn on the dancefloor after. Then we're free to go." There was a glitter in his eyes that might have been amusement, or might have been something altogether harder. "After all, it's our wedding night. I doubt folk are expecting us to stay late."

"Will you take part in the riddling?" Alain asked Nariko, picking up on Roland's silence. "Ro' never was the best at it, but I'd be curious to know how you get on."

[gunslingerqueen]

"Underestimating my abilities already, hm?" But she left it at that since he did have a point. If Roland only bit down harder on everything he did not want to talk about, Cuthbert let it go an inch to take the whole expanse back a second later. To her it was no big wonder why they were ka-tet. She said nothing to that last fact, one that kept coming back around like a terrible illness neither of them could dispel. Thank goodness for Alain.

"I only planned to watch for my brother, but I can't really deny your curiosity, can I? I did well enough the last time I tried so it wouldn't hurt." And it might be better than wandering around and subjecting herself to lectures, and more natural than being so openly watchful anyway.

[toweredingly]

Alain smiled slowly, a spark of humour in his placid blue eyes. "Good. Fresh wit is just the thing, for such a contest. I look forwards to seeing how you and your kin hold up."

"Still feels odd without Cort and Vannay to butt heads over it," Bert mused aloud, around a mouthful of chicken. "Remember when we were boys, the time they riddled against each other for an hour straight? I still wonder that they had the breath for it." He smiled, but rather sadly, and half-raised his glass. "Ah, well. There's to the passing of time."

Alain nodded, raising his own glass. "Don't get too caught up in what was," he advised Bert soberly. "We have enough on our plate with what is."

[gunslingerqueen]

"Isn't that the truth." Then again, what Alain meant and what Nariko felt were two different paths of thought, and it was better that she kept her own to herself throughout the rest of the feast. Being up and around did wonders for her mood, it had to when after standing she was hardly left alone for more than a moment or two. Eunyce still attached to Nariko's side, Nathan attempted a conversation with Roland which meant that the barely eleven-year-old boy mostly talked at Roland with no expectation of a thoughtful or even long response. It might have been a bit insulting but when it was finally her brother's turn in the riddling Nariko simply said, "He's like that with everyone he admires, try to be patient with him?"

But whatever his fascination, Nathan focused wholeheartedly on riddling while Nariko went about it with relative ease. At first it might have seemed as though she answered without thinking, her responses were so quick, but despite making it quite a ways in she eventually lost, and accepted that with a shrug of her shoulders and a smile. At least she wasn't horrible.

True to form, though, her brother was quite fantastic and until he was knocked out of it once and for all Nariko couldn't stop herself from beaming with pride. After all, he didn't appear the slightest bit intimidated by the elder folks he participated against. Much like his elder sister his smile was genuine, constant, and shined brighter with time. Well, until he lost just short of the goal and pouted for it, he was easily corrected with a few sharp words from Nariko. And that was how they avoided a horrible tantrum that might have rocked the entire side of Gilead.

She used him as an excuse to find Lena and Kaine but the simple truth of it was that Nariko wasn't quite prepared to dance with Roland, and she wasn't ready to deal with the fact that they both preferred to get away from all of this, which forced them to an inevitable conclusion. The longer she kept to herself the longer it was held off. Besides, they needed to keep an eye on their woefully armed, possibly aggressive guests! Who could worry about dancing and leaving when they still had that little issue leftover?

[toweredingly]

In the end, although Alain made it close to the end of the riddling, the winner was one of the older men, a scribe from the library who had been friends with Vannay. Roland, sure enough, barely lasted two rounds, and accepted his loss with a good-natured shrug as he stepped back. As he'd said to Nariko, it was his hands that were quick, not his mind. In truth, he was rather glad to be out of it. It gave him the chance to move around the hall, marking certain of his guests under the guise of watching the contest.

Around the time that Nariko took on her last riddle, the youngest of the three men he'd noticed - the dark-skinned man whose suit was patched at the sleeve - slipped away into the crowd. Casting a glance back around the throng, Roland followed, moving with a stealth belied by his height.

He returned a while later, carefully rearranging his jacket to hide the rip in his shirt, and made a line for Nariko. Greeting Lena and Kaine politely, he nodded down to Nathan. "You're a sight sharper than I am at riddling, cully. Well done." Then, looking up at Nariko, he smiled a little and held out his hand. "Shall we dance?"

[gunslingerqueen]

In her second major fuck up of the day Nariko did not immediately notice that Roland was gone. That was probably relatively normal since she had been attempting to quietly sidestep him for as long as possible. It was Kaine who looked up and, in her usual dry tone, commented, "Where's that asshole that you just married?"

Apparently not here! It was impossible to go looking for him with any sense of tact, and so she had to accept that he had to have left of his own volition, or that if he hadn't he would be fine. What concerned her more than any of that was the anxious worry that pulled at her nerves and made everything feel loud and unbearable.

The third time was the charm because she didn't need Kaine's help to catch his presence before he spoke to Nathan, who made some hiccuping noise that was probably meant to be 'thankee, sai!!'. Playing her part as she should, despite the cosmic force of Kaine's glare, Nariko matched his smile with her own and too his hand. She might have felt worse about all of this if she weren't still concerned, which was why the moment they were out of earshot of her family she couldn't help asking, "What happened?"

[toweredingly]

"We have one fewer gunman." Roland put his arm around her waist as the music started, pulling her into the waltz. He was a good dancer, his body moving no less liquidly in dancing than in fighting. "What troubles me is that I didn't know him, not even by sight. Either Farson is bold enough to send his own men now, or your mother is." For a moment more, he danced without speaking, looking over her head at the people around them. On the dancefloor, with couples whirling in movement, it was harder than ever to try and get a bead on anyone, especially if they didn't want to be seen.

"Has Eunyce seen anyone she recognised?" he asked at last, in an undertone.

[gunslingerqueen]

"Considering the day itself, Agni's stop beforehand, and her lack of a grand entrance, I would put my watch on the latter. I didn't recognize any of them and I haven't been away so long that my memory would be dull. Could have been hired." Send a hapless messenger without any care, if he came back then it was more information, if he didn't then that was an answer in and of itself.

"Of the three you pointed out one was familiar, and as she's been following him on her own I'll assume that isn't the man you dealt with. She said there was a 'preacher' type as well but she didn't feel any weaponry so I put Sabal on him. They should still be in the middle of a very rousing drinking competition."

This was a very depressing topic to settle on while dancing of all things. It was a bit difficult to enjoy it when they had to be concerned with work but she didn't falter, dancing was easier than walking, after all, so a little talk wouldn't throw her off. "It would be easy to lead them off and incapacitate them without anyone noticing." She looked up at him with a gently raised brow and then added, "Are you alright?" He looked like he was, but it seemed like Roland to have a terrible wound and not say a word about it.