"You can be not-so-responsible for once, I promise." She spoke evenly, using every ounce of control in her body to keep from laughing because he would definitely take it the wrong way. Instead it was far more important to get him underneath the covers and back to resting. If she found anything odd or out of place about it, then it wasn't obvious not that he was really in a state to notice anything more than the backs of his own eyes. She settled against him easily, all too aware of how easy it was to tangle her body with his. And for nearly five minutes everything was quiet.
"Roland?" She said his name in the way anyone would do if they wanted to test if someone was still awake, but he was probably gone for, and for all they had done and said to each other tonight there might not be another chance. "... I meant it when I thanked you, earlier. There was a part of it that hurt, that's true. Always playing second, never being enough or getting there in time over and over again, that's going to hurt. But of the friends who worry about you, everything you put onto yourself, relentlessly clawing forward even though you look like you're in pain for every second of it ... And you apologize to me? And tell me you're going to try? That if there's anything left I can have it? In what way could I ever deserve that?"
She shut her own mouth before she broke down into sobs, and kept herself perfectly still through some form of resolve she hadn't thought possible. "Honestly, no one has ever said they would even try for me, especially not someone who has every reason not to. So, one more time: Thank you, Roland."
It took one more heavy exhale before she could close her eyes. Tomorrow she would find a bit of time to herself and probably cry hysterically, but this was neither the time nor place. Instead she relaxed against him and closed her eyes, and though it took an extra moment or two, she eventually passed out into a blessedly dreamless sleep.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2015-02-08 03:46 am (UTC)"Roland?" She said his name in the way anyone would do if they wanted to test if someone was still awake, but he was probably gone for, and for all they had done and said to each other tonight there might not be another chance. "... I meant it when I thanked you, earlier. There was a part of it that hurt, that's true. Always playing second, never being enough or getting there in time over and over again, that's going to hurt. But of the friends who worry about you, everything you put onto yourself, relentlessly clawing forward even though you look like you're in pain for every second of it ... And you apologize to me? And tell me you're going to try? That if there's anything left I can have it? In what way could I ever deserve that?"
She shut her own mouth before she broke down into sobs, and kept herself perfectly still through some form of resolve she hadn't thought possible. "Honestly, no one has ever said they would even try for me, especially not someone who has every reason not to. So, one more time: Thank you, Roland."
It took one more heavy exhale before she could close her eyes. Tomorrow she would find a bit of time to herself and probably cry hysterically, but this was neither the time nor place. Instead she relaxed against him and closed her eyes, and though it took an extra moment or two, she eventually passed out into a blessedly dreamless sleep.