She worked it open and nodded, semi-approving, while she followed him and paused where he would inevitably sit. The ends of beds were comfy and not as subtly implicating as the front. "Eunyce should have more than enough of this, it can be stocked again." Thank goodness they had the most epic doctor in Mid-World here with them! It made her feel better, at least. Despite herself the reminder of yesterday made her grin, "Very true, but you never know."
And she smiled again even as she finally took a good look at what he had gotten himself for offing one of the men, but didn't speak. She needed a full three minutes before the right words came, but at least it was better than purposefully dodging the issue now, not that he would have let her get away with it any longer, as it was.
"I'm not all right, but by now I've lost track of how much of it has to do with just me, just you, both of us, or quite literally everything else. Which includes, but is certainly not limited to, the circumstances that have resulted in our marriage, the less insane part of my family, your friendship with Cuthbert, Farson, my mother, my mother's absolutely disgusting desire for her own son, and the sheep that's probably still in my tub, so I don't even get a hot bath at the end of the day. Because there's a fucking sheep in my tub."
At least working while she talked made everything easier, and she did a good job of cleaning off as much blood as she could (what he likely needed was another bath but, whatever). "And I know that if I stop thinking and doing and worrying about you or my cousins or my grandmother or my brother, the instant I actually try to clear out my mind I'm going to cry hysterically and feel so unbearably alone in this world, Roland. In fact I will have to deal with having felt alone this entire time. For years, in fact." She could wrap his chest on automatic but she did her best to respect his personal space.
"I'm not all right with how useless I was back there, how someone you have watched be strong since you were a child can't bring himself to respect you. And on the one hand it makes me want to punch him in the face because I can't look at you and imagine not respecting you, and also, I don't want anyone insulting my husband. That isn't allowed. But then, I should be more empathetic, and I should try to understand but, again," She actually paused and waved one hand, the other holding the bandage before she started again. "Ridiculous protective instinct, beats out everything else! I'm not all right with how weak I feel or the aforementioned terror that's been increasing for over a week now."
She had to tie this off since he didn't appear to have any pins. Hm. "I have no idea what I want, or what I need to feel better, and I keep worrying about the stupidest things like, how when I was a little girl I always imagined that, as a wife, I would always do certain things. And it would make me happy to do them, but none of that matters at all now, but I don't even know if I'm sad about that or not. I am so busy feeling things and trying to keep on for the sake of my family, and for you and I as a married couple - because one of us has to be the open one, the talkative one, or we'll never get anywhere - because if I don't then someone has to deal with me and I already put Ignis through that. I don't want to put you through it." And just in case he thought there was some end to her blunt nature: "In part because you would probably think I'm a complaining wench on top of having little idea of what to do with me in that state. So, there's no way in hell I'm all right, but I don't know what to do to fix it anymore, except keep smiling and helping and doing whatever seems right at the moment."
And that was the current state of Nariko Deschain.
no subject
And she smiled again even as she finally took a good look at what he had gotten himself for offing one of the men, but didn't speak. She needed a full three minutes before the right words came, but at least it was better than purposefully dodging the issue now, not that he would have let her get away with it any longer, as it was.
"I'm not all right, but by now I've lost track of how much of it has to do with just me, just you, both of us, or quite literally everything else. Which includes, but is certainly not limited to, the circumstances that have resulted in our marriage, the less insane part of my family, your friendship with Cuthbert, Farson, my mother, my mother's absolutely disgusting desire for her own son, and the sheep that's probably still in my tub, so I don't even get a hot bath at the end of the day. Because there's a fucking sheep in my tub."
At least working while she talked made everything easier, and she did a good job of cleaning off as much blood as she could (what he likely needed was another bath but, whatever). "And I know that if I stop thinking and doing and worrying about you or my cousins or my grandmother or my brother, the instant I actually try to clear out my mind I'm going to cry hysterically and feel so unbearably alone in this world, Roland. In fact I will have to deal with having felt alone this entire time. For years, in fact." She could wrap his chest on automatic but she did her best to respect his personal space.
"I'm not all right with how useless I was back there, how someone you have watched be strong since you were a child can't bring himself to respect you. And on the one hand it makes me want to punch him in the face because I can't look at you and imagine not respecting you, and also, I don't want anyone insulting my husband. That isn't allowed. But then, I should be more empathetic, and I should try to understand but, again," She actually paused and waved one hand, the other holding the bandage before she started again. "Ridiculous protective instinct, beats out everything else! I'm not all right with how weak I feel or the aforementioned terror that's been increasing for over a week now."
She had to tie this off since he didn't appear to have any pins. Hm. "I have no idea what I want, or what I need to feel better, and I keep worrying about the stupidest things like, how when I was a little girl I always imagined that, as a wife, I would always do certain things. And it would make me happy to do them, but none of that matters at all now, but I don't even know if I'm sad about that or not. I am so busy feeling things and trying to keep on for the sake of my family, and for you and I as a married couple - because one of us has to be the open one, the talkative one, or we'll never get anywhere - because if I don't then someone has to deal with me and I already put Ignis through that. I don't want to put you through it." And just in case he thought there was some end to her blunt nature: "In part because you would probably think I'm a complaining wench on top of having little idea of what to do with me in that state. So, there's no way in hell I'm all right, but I don't know what to do to fix it anymore, except keep smiling and helping and doing whatever seems right at the moment."
And that was the current state of Nariko Deschain.